19 June, 2008

Fossilized Remains

1) The Easter bunny leaves everyone Easter eggs.  2) Climate Change is a fallacy perpetuated by scientists that have a natural aversion to the economy.  3) Santa Claus slides down the chimneys of good boys and girls.  4) Storks bring newborn babes to waiting parents.  5) Hydrogen fuel cells will allow us to be as lazy and ignorant as we are now.  6) The tooth fairy will leave you money for your tooth, if you put it under a pillow.  7) The oil will eventually run out, so plan now.

I know it's hard to believe, but only two of the above statements are true.  Can you guess which ones?  Maybe after reading the following blog, you will guess correctly.

Fossil fuels suck.  It has been the equivalent of feeding cocaine to the masses.  I used to love fossil fuels.  Back in my happy ignorance, driving around in my gas-guzzling hot rod, burning up sets of tires was a favorite pastime.  Ah!  The halcyon days of the early nineties.  Of course, that was before I cared about melting ice caps, massive droughts, and an unimaginable extinction of various life forms not seen since Homo-sapiens began using tupperware.

Back in the day, I was happily blind to the seriousness of the problem.  I even believed that we, as  a united people, would find a way to come together and change our reliance on fossil fuels to power the salt-water taffy machine.  Being an ignoramus really is bliss.  Hell, I even believed Israel and Palestine were going to play nice in the nineties.  Silly me.

So.  "Global Warming" is still under debate.  Whatever.  Even if the issue cannot be settled by the great brain-stems of our time, does it matter?  I mean, look at the price for this shit.  $4.59 a gallon down the street at the friendly cocaine-for-the-masses station.  I'm not independently wealthy like the rest of the world, so this is starting to hurt...a lot.

I learned in the education system/baby-sitter that there was a leader named Geeem-E Car-tr.  At least that's what I remember.  I think his brother brewed beer in the bed of a pickup truck.  Anyway, he had all these crazy ideas about energy that lead him to climb up on the roof of the White House and install solar panels!  What a kook.  I mean, using all that free energy falling from the sky.  Why the hell would anyone want to do that when we could pump liquid gold right from under the Middle East, ship it around the world, then burn it for kicks.  That guy should have been committed.  Instead they gave him a Nobel Peace Prize.  Sometimes there is no justice.  

That god the Great Discombobulator had enough sense to take those panels off the White House before the citizens got any funny ideas of "Energy Independence".  We really dodged a bullet on that one.

Ok.  I'm going to get serious for a minute.  Why aren't there solar panels on every house, building, and parking lot.  I mean, I love parking in the shade on a hot summer day.  Why not catch some of that free energy and keep my car cool at the same time.  I wouldn't doubt if more energy falls on my poor car every year than I use driving my fat ass around in it...with the air-conditioning working at capacity (Is it getting warmer?).

Honestly, just think if we would have taken energy independence seriously.  The world would have been a better place today if our ancestors had looked to the future, instead of selling out, and filling the place with shit.

That brings us to this point in history.  It's kinda easy to place the blame on the past, but I don't want to be that asshole that refused to make changes in the face of serious trouble looming on the horizon (long sentence, sorry!).  Every day is a chance to make positive changes.  Let's act and start putting those solar panels up wherever we can.  I'll start by putting the nice shady one over my car.  I'll even share the energy with you.  We can build a real future based on "renewable" sources of energy.  

Cut the oil and gas subsidies.  Would you subsidize a deck-chair manufacturer on the Titanic?  No.  Stop being lazy and make the change.  If we all come together and do this, then I can prove to myself that I wasn't being naive.  Isn't that worth it?

By the way, here is the answer to the first question I posed:

1) The Easter Bunny is a myth the Easter Eggs you find every year are left by relatives with nothing better to do but mess with your head.

2) Climate Change is real.  Stop listening to Sean Hannity.

3) Santa is also a myth.  If you hear someone sliding down your chinmey, call the cops.  It may be a Chupacabra.

4) Storks have enough to worry about with Climate Change, much less delivering newborns.  Take a high school sex-education course.  You may learn something.

5) Hydrogen fuel cells can allow us to be as lazy and ignorant as we are now,  Only if we use them as an energy storage/conversion device powered by solar/wind energy.  Otherwise, were burning fossil fuels to make hydrogen.  Not smart.

6) The Tooth Fairy.  If you put your tooth under the pillow, get your head checked.  If you find money under there, invest in security upgrades for your room.

7)  Ok.  So there was only one really true answer, but number five was kinda true...with conditions.  Hey!  I don't make this stuff up.  Oh, Wait.  I do.  Carry on, nothing to see here.

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